tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize