You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
be right there i have to get my cape
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
