Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
