Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
