What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
