I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
