i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
