he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
