I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
