Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
