you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
