I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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