Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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