My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
