i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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