He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I understand Curling. That high.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
