On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize