What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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