Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She needs sedatives and a leash
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
