Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
