i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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