i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
