Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Let's paint friendship bongs
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
