Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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