everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
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