Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
