thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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