and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
