You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
