just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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