party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
