Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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