At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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