I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
