either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
