dude i'm inner monologue high
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
