Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
