So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Randomize
