I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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