Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
