i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
