he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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