Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I want to be your penis for a week.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
