I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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