I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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