he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
