Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
