Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
