Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
