you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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