it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
