apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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