Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
