shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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