So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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