Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
