I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
