hotel room ftw
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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