so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
