Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
