I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize