I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
