You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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