he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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