Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
one might say we're banned from that church
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
