i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
and you fell through a lawn chair
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
