Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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