No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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