she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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