my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize