Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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