I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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