Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
