I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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