i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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