Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
