Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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