I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
