Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
