before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
