Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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