Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
